I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
