Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found your dick twin last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
