Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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