How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
