I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
