I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
