one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
