I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
