Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I could fuck to npr.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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