Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
