You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
