I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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