So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
