Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
