My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
