Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
