none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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