i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
