Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This house was built for laser tag.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
