I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
