I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
