Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
