Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
