Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My breasts were aching with rage.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
