3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
