ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
