pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
