Just fell off a train. Bad.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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