i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
