omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
