You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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