When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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