Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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