I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so let's talk penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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