bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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