so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
this will be a night to untag.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
