So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
