who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
