he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
