The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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