It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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