This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
