I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
