..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
