thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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