dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bet he comes in French.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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