I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
