you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
