I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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