Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
