He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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