The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
