who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
