my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
